Not being seen for who we are, as individuals

All For Equality to see Equality For All

Men Aren’t Victims: Just One of Feminism’s Lies - by Chris Good

Within minutes I found myself passing the university bars. Music pounded through the night air with the sound of enthusiastic chatter from punters.  Dodging a taxi, I crossed the road and continued toward the shop.  My nose throbbed and blood still trickled down over my chin onto my, already, stained T-shirt.  I'd given up wiping it away with my wrist, it wasn't stopping.  

Head down, I attempted to pass a group walking toward me, but suddenly felt hands on my shoulders. 

"Oh my god, mate, are you okay?" 

I tried to tell them I was fine, but they were having none of it.  The guy was a paramedic and stood me to the side.  His girlfriend dug around in her bag for tissue which he used to help me.  I explained that I live nearby and was heading to the shop when some men decided they were jealous of my face and thought they'd mess it up.  They insisted I notify the police.  I didn't.  

The truth is, I had been assaulted by my girlfriend in our kitchen.  It wasn't the first time she'd punched me.  It wasn't the first time I had lied about it.  And later that night, it wouldn't be the first time I'd return home to her apology and give her a forgiving cuddle.  

I can't speak for other men who keep loved ones and strangers in the dark about the violence they experience; I can only assume we have similar reasons.  I was sure it wouldn't happen again, at least, that's what she always said.  I didn't want others to think badly of her for that mistake.  I didn't want her to get into trouble, I loved her, after all!  I'm known for articulating myself rather well, but it's difficult to make sense of that mishmash of feelings to help you understand.  I guess I was protecting her and was also embarrassed to say that I had been hit and injured...by a girl; I am a man, after all!  

As I received treatment on the street from an off-duty paramedic, who believed my shameful lies, my housemate returned home to find my girlfriend crying and blood all over the floor.  He assumed I had hit her and left.  She insisted he didn't phone the police, which he agreed to when he realised she had perpetrated the violence.  Apparently, that didn't warrant the notification of our law enforcers.  

I'd like to say that if this happened in public, perhaps just one person in a crowd might decide I need help; that someone might take me aside and ask if this happens behind closed doors.  That someone might tell her how terrible that behaviour is.  Truth be told, it happened in public a few times. 

One night, in a club garden, she launched at me and planted two smacks to my face. I didn't hit back, but I defensively pushed her away and she fell off her heels and onto the floor.  The men and bouncers who had watched her attacking me suddenly found their 'go', and I was wrestled to the wall and ordered to wait for the police.  After we broke up, she saw me in that same bar and, in front of at least thirty people, threw my own drink over me and extinguished her cigarette...on my chest.  She stomped away, enjoying the cheers and the drama, as I stood grimacing through the laughter of onlookers, wiping my face and telling my friend that I was 'fine'.  

I'm asked why I stand against feminism.  I have justified this in two articles, thus far, but let's really look at why it is a biased and destructive force in our society.  While it claims to be the 'fight for equality', I find myself bewildered that simple investigation into the issues it raises and statistics it skews in favour of its arguments, can make it so glaringly obvious that, amongst other atrocities, it readily ignores considerable needs, because they are the needs of men. 

It's unnecessary, really, that I bring up statistics, because if I ask you to honestly consider whether you've seen more women or men instigate violence toward the opposite gender, I know what that answer will be.  So do you. 

It's actually a cultural norm; film and television have always considered it acceptable and sensational for a woman to finish a verbal argument with a slap, a shove, or throwing an object, and still do!  I saw a boy, in school, endure over a minute of assault from a girl before finally hitting back, once.  She got sympathy while he took his scratches, pulled hair and bruises home, with suspension.

But, if you want statistics, since the 1970's, studies, for example by Straus, have demonstrated that both genders initiate intimate partner violence to an equal level, or it even tilts the other way: 

More recent and varied studies, such as the The Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project, have indicated rates of female-perpetrated violence are higher than male-perpetrated violence (28.3% vs. 21.6%, respectively).  Still, even most recent statistics have to be interpreted with the knowledge that our culture is one where women are encouraged to speak out about intimate partner violence and abuse, while men aren’t.  

While feminists rage about men being the perpetrators of domestic violence against decades of significant statistical data, and additionally fail to highlight that violence by women toward men is acceptable, unchallenged and, even, glamourised in our entertainment and media, can anyone call the movement a 'voice for equality'? 

Moreover, with a skewed perspective of the problem and with half the victims silenced, how can we effectively educate for prevention and provide effective intervention?  

Feminism is not the answer.  We need to protect people.  Not women.  Not men.  People.

Violence and abuse are crimes.  No victim of crime should be without help, refuge or support.  No victim of crime should feel silly or responsible.  Victims of crime need help.  Victims of crime need a voice. 

If you've experienced or seen female to male violence, however small the incident,  please document your account on the new All For Equality blog where you'll find the "Violence between men and women" page.  You can do so anonymously, if you wish, but in deciding we are #AllForEquality we can make positive changes for everyone, but in order to be heard, we first need to speak.

Additional note:

All for equality is about raising the issues that affect men AND women, to see both genders unite against crime.  A page will, soon, be available for women to document their experiences of abuse and I would hope you feel this site is a safe place to do so.  

Find Chris Good on Twitter: @goodwayround

Why Feminism is NOT the 'fight for equal rights' - by Chris Good

It's fair that I respond to the criticism that my previous article, “Why Feminism Needs To End: It’s Time To Work Towards Equality”, received from feminists.  I believe an honest dialogue and mediated discussion is how we can move onwards toward a fairer equality campaign, and thank everyone for their feedback, thoughts and opinions. 

The arguments against the article were:  

1) Feminism IS the fight for equality

2) Man-hating (misandry) is extreme feminism, not feminism

So, is feminism fighting for equality? With respect, no, it isn't.  Here's why. 

The fight for 'equality' of the first two waves of feminism fought to raise the standing of women in society where there were clear and vast imbalances.  Men in all eras of history were also imprisoned in gender roles and forced to live and act accordingly, but it's right that women's liberation movements fought for balance in democracy, the right for women to work, earn, own property and shape their own lives.  In order to fight for equality, the woman's rights needed to be elevated to that of a man's.  In that era and political and social climate, fighting for the rights of women was, indeed, "the fight for equality".  

The new wave feminists constantly declare the fight for equality despite glaring oversights.  Why?  Today's feminism fights a new and changed Western world with an old definition of what it means to fight for equal rights.  Fighting solely for the rights of women was relevant to the first and second wave of the movement that were staring at glaringly biased legislation and cultural values, but in today's changed world it is not only outdated, but misplaced.  

Both genders, as citizens, now have equal rights.  There are further developments that deserve attention for each gender, so a campaign should be run by both men and women who, together, tackle highlighted equality issues that affect men and/or women; it would be wrong to fight for, only, the rights of women, as feminism clearly does today. 

We heat a room when it's cold, but there comes a point when the temperature simply needs regulating to maintain a comfortable environment for everyone.  To continue heating it, would become too hot. Too extreme.  Where this wave of feminism is still cranking up the dial on the thermostat, past 22 degrees to Max Women's Rights, it's becoming uncomfortable. 

Furthermore, in claiming it is the fight for equality and, yet, only advocating for women, feminists show the movement as stubborn-minded and prejudiced, acting upon illogical, biased and, therefore, extremist values.  A movement is its voice in the media, and ours is constantly bombarded with the notion that women are the only oppressed gender while men are the perpetrators of rape, rape threats, domestic violence, cat calling, sexual objectification and with headlines such as 'a sea of misogyny', 'men should just shut up' and 'men avoid housework and don't do their share'.  This can only have one outcome: suspicion, dislike and blame toward all men.  

As one example, of many, Jessica Valenti is a prominent feminist voice.  Writing for The Guardian, her biased, angry and mocking attitude toward men is clearly evident.  That The Guardian continues to print her shamefully biased, opinionated and personally prejudiced 'views' is questionable on their part. (I do not, of course, condone any written, verbal or physical harassment or abuse). 

This biased media position is instigating change upon men and women 'on the ground', trying to live their every day lives.  From this media, women are 'finding out' about the world around them, the men in their lives and attitudes they should adopt.  I've heard a feminism empowered woman mention that her husband would soon be home from a 14 hour shift, but exclaim, 

"Why should I have to make dinner just because I'm a woman?"

I know I'm not the only one who can see how wrong that is...and why.   

I wish I could concede that this voice is 'the extreme minority' deviating from a more moderate form of feminism, but today's vocal and prominent feminism is the extreme. No branch of feminism condemns it and stands for a more balanced and regulation focused pursuit of equality, by also advocating for men's rights.

A minority of men are guilty of major sex and abuse crimes, or even harrassment; how dare anyone, or especially the apparent movement for equal rights, imply that the majority of non-offending fathers, who love their children, have no right to voice the discrimination they face in courts, simply because some other men in society are criminally minded toward women?   Feminism overlooks significant gender equality issues, <em>contributes</em> to the demonisation of the male and uses that as a further reason for men to be silenced.

"How about more than a billion men who aren't fanatical, who don't punch women, who just want to go to work, have some sandwiches, spend time with their children, and don't do any of the things you're saying of all Men? It's stereotyping."  (They are great words, Ben...I stole them.  Much love.)   

I am an advocate for women's rights.  I have daughters and hate the thought of them facing discrimination, harassment, catcalling...or whatever else.  I want to help create a society where they can safely prosper and choose whether they work or keep house, or both.  But I have a son too, and I reflect on the discrimination I, and others, face because we are male.  I do not want him to experience that which I have seen and felt.  

So, I cannot stand by and watch feminism create such bias in our society.  Call me an egalitarian, a humanist, an equalalalist (I made that one up), but I am an advocate for men's rights too...and that means I'm certainly not a feminist.

Find Chris Good on Twitter: @goodwayround

Why Feminism Needs To End: It's Time To Work Towards Equality - by Chris Good

I'm afraid you'll have to forgive a bulky word count in this post as I introduce a subject I'll be writing a lot about in the future. I promise future instalments will be shorter, but I'm afraid a considerable amount of 'scene setting' and defensive waffle seemed necessary, lest I be lynched or chased out of the village by feminists, armed with pitchforks and torches burning with Hell's fire.  You'll have to think of this post as a double episode whammy that you get with great new TV series.  It's not that long, really, for intelligent folk like yourselves, so grab a cuppa and a couple of biscuits and get yourselves comfy.  

Tackling feminism in today's world is -I'm told- rather a stupid idea.  It's not that I'd be labelled a chauvinist pig and accused of wanting to keep women chained to chores and childcare, which I don't.  It's not even that tackling a global movement as one person (which is how it feels, despite a mass of men and women attempting the same) is like standing against a tsunami wearing speedos and a snorkel; I'm aware that every word will be pulled apart, angered messages will fill my inbox and I'll be accused of ignorance and sexism.  I've already, during initial research, acquired my first troll on my new Twitter account; I'm a "simple manbaby" apparently.  The reason it's stupid for me to speak against feminism is simply because I have a penis...and the feminist does not accept a boy negatively commenting on the relevance or alleged prejudice of the feminist movement.  

I know this. Had I, as a male, pitched articles in support of feminism, perhaps I'd have been commissioned alongside the published pro-feminism male writers. But time and again, as I approached relevant sections of publications that boast a feminist voice, I was informed by the female, feminist editors that my views were 'not suitable'.  I know that's like a satanist asking to put an advert for a willing, virginal sacrifice on the local church's noticeboard, but that's exactly the problem.  If the media belongs to feminism like the noticeboard belongs to the church, where can you make another argument?  I won't say who the guardian of feminism is, because I'd very much like to write articles for them and don't want to be blacklisted for publicly calling them sexist.  But I feel I'm correct in seeing that bias. 

Also, polite conversation about feminism, with feminists, has invariably turned into my being ranted at.  Apparently, the very fact I'm questioning feminism is because I'm a typical white male with all the privilege, no understanding of what it's like to be the victim in a sexist society and, therefore, have no right to question or challenge it.  Even Emma Watson's speech at the UN saw feminists react in comment threads, saying that men should not have a say, despite her invitation.    

Yet, here I am; I have my speedos and my snorkel.  First, I'm sorry feminism had to exist in the first place. I'm sorry about the past where women, as capable and wonderful as my own mother, my sister and as capable and strong as I know my daughters will be, were made to feel inferior, robbed of choices and treated as objects to be used and abused.   I applaud the achievements of those who fought to bring about change and know there are still issues to resolve.  

But...yes, 'but'...this has gone far enough. The reason I stand here in my speedos is because there is a need.  Women have faced and still face prejudice and inequality.  Here's a fact, though: men do too.  That men are not allowed to speak about the prejudice and inequality they face simply because they are men (and men, in generalised and historic terms, are not the victims of sexism) is just one ludicrous contradiction from feminists. That feminism apparently stands for 'equality' in order to be recognised as legitimate and politically correct, but does nothing to fight for the rights of separated fathers as equal parents, while advocating the social assumption that women are more emotionally bonded with their children based on gender stereotype, is just one transparent flaw, in the light of its own mission statement of equal rights.  

In one post, I cannot scratch the surface of all the issues: the false propaganda, the resulting angered cry of women, the politically correct expectation upon men to pay their penance for misogyny with unchallenged acceptance of feminist values in their homes, ironically leaving them silenced and without a vote. But follow me, converse with me and read my future posts.   

But here and now I'm not going to speak only on behalf of the men that I know are negatively affected by feminism.  Indeed, the whole reason for my writing on the subject is because I actually care about gender equality, which is something I do not credit to feminism, or at least, what feminism has become.  Women are feeling the sting too;  women I care about. 

A recent study, by Netmums, found the majority of women felt feminism was too aggressive, de-valued the stay at home mum and applied too much pressure on women to do and be everything.  17% even stated that it is oppressive to men. 

Women, actually, get a rough ride from feminism's soapbox rantings.  There are standards to live up to, much like a Christian having to obey the 10 commandments or feel like a sinner. I have spoken to feminists and witnessed their despair as they defend their own life choices against what their feminist values dictate they should be or do. One, who prioritised her children over work, felt she let down her values as a feminist and felt pressured to work full-time.  She spent ten minutes justifying her reasons for not doing so...not that I had challenged her.

Another became exasperated when stating she didn't "believe in high heels" because they symbolised the oppression of male objectification and her feminist values dictated she shouldn't wear them simply because a 'man' would like her to or because she should rely on a pair of high heels to make her attractive.  She continued, taking both sides of conversation, making it clear she likes to wear them occasionally because it makes her feel good, for her, not for anyone else, it's not for a 'man', she has a right to wear them and shouldn't have to dress down simply to avoid being objectified...it went on.  Bizarrely, all she was trying to do was feel justified in wearing something she liked and escape the judgement from feminists who would say she gave in by wearing them and the other feminists who would say she gave in by wearing flats. The 'man' was actually absent in this argument, apart from serving as the silent 'accused' and 'guilty'. 

Women: go out and work, put up your own shelves, make him look after the children, you don't have to cook.  Be strong, be capable, make your own decisions and be autonomous.  Feminism is dogmatic. It sets rules. Like a religion it praises particular behaviour, but there are too many denominations, with no central scripture.  Under the umbrella label of feminism the message is mixed, destructive and confusing. The result is that wearing one flat shoe and one heel, feminism simply walks in circles.  

Feminism casts out the old gender roles of both men and women as outdated and primitive, promoting the working, confident, strong woman as 'progressive' and the stay at home mother and wife as a woman who is 'socialised' into an inferior lifestyle of old.  Women are free, only, to choose feminism's idea of the 'equal woman' in this new world; it has sculpted its own idea of the perfect gender roles and is socialising both sexes into playing these 'acceptable' roles in society.  The odd result is that women have more choice, but only feel allowed to choose that which is deemed acceptable, according to the stereotype of the all new and improved modern woman.  

Going back to the current plight of the male, it's easy to see that feminism pushes women toward choosing and living a particular role in society, whether they like it or not.  Women are to choose to work, choose a reversed gender role in parenting.  Choose, choose, choose.  After all those years of oppression, women have the right to choose and should do so!  

Two questions: 

If the woman in a relationship has the power of choice awarded to her by feminism, what power does the man, her partner, have?  

Is this equality?  

Simply acknowledging that if women have the authority to choose, then men don't, is a step forward because it becomes glaringly obvious that the feminist agenda will not bring about equality.  Men are now having to fight for their own power, even to speak.  There are issues of inequality on either side and they will not be resolved if men are fighting for men and women are fighting for women.  A tug of war is not over until one team has fallen into the muddy ditch in the middle. That's not equality. HeForShe?  That's about men fighting for women on the assumption -and outdated notion- that women are the only ones suffering gender inequality, which isn't even a stab in the right direction. 

Perhaps we all need to grow up and realise that within our society, we can collectively, as united men and women, set a standard that is fair for all.  I know feminism doesn't speak for all women.  I know feminism actually makes it difficult for many women.  I know feminism does not allow men to voice their opinions.  

So, to the women and men in our society who actually want equality,  I would like to extend your formal invitation.  Gender equality, prejudice and crime against <em>anyone</em> of any gender, is your issue too. 

We need to end the tug of war, put down the rope and come to the table <em>as equals</em> and tackle prejudice and crime together.  That is the campaign where men and women stand side by side and decide what type of society we can make, acknowledging each other's flaws, faults, strengths and where we each feel we suffer prejudice from the other.  Such a campaign does not begin with one side 'allowing' the other to join. Neither does its name imply one side should fight only for the rights of the other.  "HeForShe"?  I'd call it “AllForEquality".

Find Chris Good on Twitter: @goodwayround

Feminism has the power to silence opposition in the media - Chris Good

FIRST VLOG - Feminism has the power to silence opposition in the media - Chris Good

A huge welcome to everyone who views this blog.

Unfortunately, for the time being, I have found that feminist outrage of an opposing view has, once again, won out, resulting in the deletion of my arguments against feminism that featured on Huffington Post. 

Those who saw them and took part in the comment thread discussions will remember the praise and credit that we all gave to Huffpost for having the courage and fair-mindedness to allow a voice that opposed feminism to feature in the publication.  No other media outlet had let me publish these pieces and we, quite rightly, celebrated Huffpost's new and objective attitude, which allowed both sides of the argument to feature and, more importantly, allowed everyone who viewed the site to listen to the entire discussion and make up their own minds.  Despite this praise, appreciation and positive response, Huffington have taken a step back to allowing the objections of the politically correct and the outrage feminism to skew the objective manner in which any media publication should work.

So, while I search for another publication that will have the freedom of information and argument at the forefront of their aims as a media outlet, I can...and will...continue by whatever means are necessary.  I have to mention that other authors, such as Dean Esmay, who spoke with courage and vulnerability were also wiped from Huffington Post, despite the honest and researched articles they produced.  

While the articles featured on Huffington, I was toying with the idea of starting a vlog for the purpose of encouraging the emerging dialogue between feminists, myself and men's rights activists, which I would still like to encourage.  However, for the time being, the vlog will serve as the most ready and able way to communicate my objections to feminism.  

Do keep in touch, do comment...and please share.